I don’t really use tumblr that much, and certainly not for anything personal, but this is kind of important to me. I used to be big. Like, close to 200 pounds big, and I didn’t have a clue. It wasn’t this picture that my friend posted on Facebook that I realized what I had done to myself

I still physically cringe at this picture because I can’t believe how badly I let things get, especially when I’ve always been concerned about my weight. Now, after a few ups and downs with weight over the past 5 years, I’m thinner and healthier than I’ve ever been. That being said, I still hate my body and struggle every single day with weight and the idea of being fat. I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror without constant self-ridicule. Even so, I can’t help but feel some pride at seeing how my body looks now, though it’s difficult to accept the fact that I can actually conceivably be attractive or look good. It’s an odd feeling, but I like it.

The most romantic way to die is to be eaten by a grizzly bear together